Bible Test

Posted Tue Dec 20, 2011 in

Somehow, this seems appropriate for this time of year…

An old Texan went to the local church and asked to join.
The preacher said, “OK, but you have to pass a small Bible test first.”
“The first auestion is ‘Where was Jesus born?’”
The Texan immediately answered, “Longview.”
The preacher shook his head, “Sorry… you can’t join our church.”
Soooooo… the Texan went to another church and asked to join.

The preacher, looking the Texan up and down, said, “We would love to have you, but you have to pass a Bible test first.
“Where was Jesus born?”
The Texan, more confident than he was the first time, answered, “Tyler.”
The preacher shook his head, “Sorry… you can’t join our church.”

Soooo… The Texan moved on to another church and asked to join.
The preacher, smiling, said, “That’s great — we welcome you with open arms.”
The, Texan, surprised asked, “Don’t I have to pass no Bible test first?”
“No.”
Thinking, the Texan asked, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course!”
“Where was Jesus born?”
The preacher, puzzled, replied, “Palestine.”
Shaking his head, the Texan mumbled, “I knew it was in East Texas somewhere.”

Enjoy!

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Inner Peace

Posted Mon Nov 14, 2011 in

From a friend…

A doctor on television said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start — we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I’d started but hadn’t finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum…

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Wedding Reception

Posted Thu Oct 20, 2011 in

From a friend…

At a recent wedding reception someone yelled,

“All married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

Film at 11…

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God Loves Drunks Too!

Posted Sat Oct 8, 2011 in

From a friend…

A man and his wife were awakened at 3AM by a loud pounding on the door.

The man rose and went to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, asked for a push.

“Not a chance,” said the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slammed the door and returned to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answered.

“Did you help him?”

“No, I did not, it’s 3AM in the morning and it’s bloody pouring rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” said his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know.”

The man, shamed, did as he was told, dressed, and went out into the pouring rain.

He called out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” the drunk answered.

“Do you still need a push?”

“Yes, please!” replied the dark.

“Where are you?”

“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk…

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Singles Advertisement

Posted Fri Sep 23, 2011 in

AnnieFrom a friend…

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me… Call (404) 555-1212 and ask for Annie, I’ll be waiting…

Reputedly, more than 150 men found themselves talking to the Humane Society of Atlanta.

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal. Regardless, I love it. But then, I love dogs.

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The Silver Screw

Posted Wed Sep 14, 2011 in

From a friend…

Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button. In its place was a silver screw. All the doctors told his mother there was nothing they could do.

Like it or not, he was stuck with it… He was screwed.

All the years of growing up were real tough on him, as all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided leaving his house… thus, never made any friends.

One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a monk in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next day, he took all of his life’s savings and bought a ticket to Nepal.

After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The monk knew exactly why he had come. The screwy guy was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day when he awoke, the screw would have been removed. The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.

During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window. In the mist floated a solid silver screwdriver. In just moments, the screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window.

The next morning when the man awoke, he saw the silver screw laying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of bed… And his butt fell off.


The moral to this story is: “Don’t screw around with things you don’t understand — You could lose your butt.”

I love shaggy-dog stories!

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War Wounds

Posted Wed Sep 7, 2011 in

War WoundsWhile at the range Monday working out the Kahr CW-45, I developed a pair of blisters on my right hand. Yes, I did most of my shooting right-handed that day, with the exception of a few strings with the left hand.

There are a couple of relatively sharp corners on the pistol’s beavertail near the back of the slide. They should be sanded down (and will be) to soften them a bit. It wouldn’t be a big deal, except that the pistol is relatively light and the .45 ACP round (230 grain ball) does have some recoil. In any event, I fired enough rounds to get a couple of blisters and I let the top surface of skin erode away.

So, now I have a couple of nice scabs between my thumb and index finger. Because I’m right-handed, and play with the dog (a lot), they’re getting a lot of abuse.

I know, I know… someone call the waa-mbulance. :)

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